Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
