I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
