oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
