Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
