I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
