she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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