Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
