If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
