Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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