i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
