thus making me awesome and them whores
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
