it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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