dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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