we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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