my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love accidental penises.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
