Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
