Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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