i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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