your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize