just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
