You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
