sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
