why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
