I'm really into asian looking animals
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
