OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
