He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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