not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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