It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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