one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
