True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
