nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
