When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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