The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
