She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
