why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think your dad took our porno
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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