question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
