this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
