You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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