My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
