nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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