Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
