Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
