I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize