So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
