Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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