the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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