i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
