I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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