Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
