im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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