Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
