Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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