I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
