I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My vagina is officially offended.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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