I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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