im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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