I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
