remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
