meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
