When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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