he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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