I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
