You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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