saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
