so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
