Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
