If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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